هذا الذي شُرّفت بالزواج به

لا يُذكر الناس بعد وفاتهم وبين الملأ الأعلى بنسبهم أو مناصبهم أو مالهم وإنما بمناقبهم وصلاح أعمالهم وسمو أخلاقهم

رقيق القلب يغلبه دمعه أمام أي موقفٍ إنساني أو عاطفي، لكن يتحلى بشجاعةٍ وقوة وإيمان كالتي يتصف بها أكثر الرجال صلابةً وقوة

جريءٌ في صراحته وقوله الحق على نفسه أولاً وعلى غيره أيًا كان ثانيًا، لا يهاب في ذلك أحدًا ولا يقيم وزنًا سوى لشرع الله مع التزامه في ذلك الاحترام ومراعاة شعور الغير

لا يتردد في الاعتراف بخطئه والاعتذار عن ذلك ولا يجد في ذلك أي حرجٍ أو انتقاص لرجولته وشخصه

لا تعنيه الممتلكات ولا الموازين ولا القيم الدنيوية في شيءٍ ولا يقيم لها وزنًا، لكنها الرغبة في مساعدة الفقير واليتيم والضعيف التي يحبها ويسعى إليها

قمةٌ في الكرم والسخاء على من يحتاج ويستحق، ضنينٌ على نفسه أولاً وعلى من لا يستحق ثانيًا، لا تحركه في ذلك أي محاباةٍ أو تملق أو مصلحة

ومع هذه الفضائل كلها تأتي خفةٌ في الظل وروحٌ مليئةٌ بالحياة تعشق المرح والسفر والرياضة واللعب وتعلم كل شيء وكافة الحرف والصنعات… نفسٌ إيجابية تتوق للتفوق في جميع النواحي… ووجهٌ باسم يكره العبوس

كأني طفلته….

لم أر منه يومًا تجاهي إلا حبًا وحنانًا واهتمامًا وقلقًا علي واحترامًا ودعمًا وسعيًا لإسعادي ومحبةً وودًا لأهلي لم أظنه يوجد في الواقع وإنما هو نسج الأفلام والروايات

غيرته عليّ كانت شديدة لكنها رائعة… فهي غيرة من يصون جوهرته ويحميها في كل لحظة دون أن يحجب لمعانها بأي قدر أو يحاول إخفاءها لأن ثقته بنفسه وبمدى حبه لي فاقت أي خوفٍ قد يتملكه من أن يأخذ غيره مكانه في قلبي

لا أستطيع وإن جهدت أن أذكر أنه في يومٍ رفع صوته أثناء محادثتي أو وجه لي كلمةً قد يكون فيها أي إساءةٍ أو إهانةٍ لي أو لأيٍ من أهلي

هاجسه كان كل ما يسعدني، فأعطاني من الذكريات الجميلة في سنتين ما يحتاج غيره إلى عمرٍ طويل من الزواج ليعطيه… ولولاه أيضًا ما استطعت استبقاء وحفظ لحظاتٍ ومشاعر هي الأهم والأغلى والأجمل في حياتي

آمن بقدراتي وذكائي إلى درجةٍ فاقت ما أقدره أنا في نفسي، وأشاد بي في أي جمعٍ أكثر مما أشاد بنفسه، واهتم لنجاحي أكثر مما اهتم لنجاحه… لكن الأروع أنه حتى أثناء مرضه العضال كان هاجسه هو قلقه عليّ حدًا تفيض معه دموعه.. ويقول لي: لا تهمني الحياة في شيء ولا أرجو زيادتها إلا قلقًا وخوفًا عليك بعد رحيلي، أنت سببي الوحيد لتمني الشفاء

استقامته وثبات مبادئه وخوفه من الله كان يزيدني إعجابًا به كل يوم… تعلمت منه الكثير وأنا التي قلما أثار شخصٌ إعجابي… أعطاني دروسًا في الحياة وفي ما هو مهم فعلاً من هذه الدنيا غيرتني للأبد

مثله صنيع الجنة وبإذن الله إليها يعود

أتمناه زوجًا في الجنة وأدعو ربي أن يجمعني به…

Privilege in Calamity

I’ve searched for love for years, yearned for the feeling of being regarded as someone’s princess, lifelong dream and treasure, a survival necessity.  I seriously doubted this kind of love still existed nowadays, if it did I doubted even more it will come my way.  But I found it.. Finally.. Unbelievably… and it exceeded even my dreams and expectations…

Then it was taken away …

Such irony… When you think you have just gathered all the winning cards and gotten everything you ever wished for… At that very moment one of them gets taken away.

Don’t get me wrong… My wishes were never unrealistic or extravagant… I never cared for riches, fame or to live a dream life… I just longed for what I deem the elements of complete happiness (if there is really such a thing in this world)… Good health, wonderful children, comfortable living, a good job, amazing family and friends, fine social status and above all… Love!

I never wanted more, this was perfect, and I was extremely thankful, although I had to work hard to achieve most of the above.  Paid years of my life to have, and care for, what turned out to be amazing young men in a very challenging marriage of two conflicting personalities, but no regrets whatsoever.  So when I finally found the love I needed, I thought to myself I really cannot ask for, nor want, more.  I wished to be able to sustain what I had.  I didn’t care to become wealthy or super successful, but was elated that I finally had all my happiness essentials covered.  I wish it could’ve stayed this way.  It never does.  I enjoyed that for a year and a half then it was time to let go of one of them… Love!!

I’m still very thankful for that year and a half though… Many people go through life without experiencing it…

The tormenting part and what’s more difficult than separation is watching someone you love in pain… Life departing him slowly, daily.. Observing him transform from someone full of vigor, life, hopes and dreams to a helpless person whose biggest ambition is to be able to eat and sleep peacefully.

Despite the difficulties, I consider it a privilege that I am next to him while he’s going through this.  Taking care of him, comforting him, caressing his head and cheeks, giving him as much love as I can.

He gave me my best moments in life.  Did everything in his power, and was even creative, to make sure that the moments that mattered most to me were lived, enjoyed, captured and reserved in photos.  He went beyond the expectations or the norms in doing so.  In every minute of every day we were together, even throughout his sickness, what he worried most about was me.  I was his whole life.  He gave me life !

I’m immensely thankful for experiencing such love during my lifetime… We shall hopefully reunite again in the next eternal one

A Perspective on Praying

Today, my son apologized for “being too pushy”, nagging me to read a story he had written.  He said it’s only because my feedback is important to him.  I was not annoyed of course.  On the contrary, it made me very happy because, if anything, his nagging meant he acknowledges my expertise and skills in the field and values my feedback.  My opinion matters considerably to him, and that’s a very gratifying feeling that any parent can identify with.

His words gave me an insight into one of the reasons praying to God is of paramount importance, and why God loves that we pray and send requests to the point of nagging/insisting.

Some misrepresent God’s urging us to pray to be a self-satisfying need to feel greatness or power.  Well firstly, no being of such magnitude and powers would “need” the acknowledgement of us, the most insignificant creations.  He would be more concerned with the much grander creations (planets, galaxies, the whole universe) praying to Him (and we know they do!!).  It is we that need that.

Praying and asking God for forgiveness, for Him to be happy with you, or even for some worldly rewards, is actually a combination of the following:

  • Acknowledgement of His existence, powers and control over everything. And that nothing can happen or exist except by His wish and command.  It’s a declaration of Belief.
  • Demonstration of a need for Him.
  • Expression of concern and valuation of what He thinks.

It is a proof by deeds, not empty words, that you truly believe in Him, just in the same way that love cannot be substantiated merely with words.

A man tells a woman “he loves her”, yet she never hears from him.  She calls him 5 times a day, he dismisses the calls justifying that by replying that he’s too busy or has important meetings, he’s going out with friends, etc..  Can she still believe him? Wouldn’t she naturally question his love? Even breakup with him?! All she asked for was for him to at least call her for 5 minutes, five times a day, to tell her he remembers her, needs her, she means the world to him, and is everything in his life.  That’s the minimum a lover is expected to do.

Your employer continuously pays your salary, bonus, and other wonderful rewards.  You totally ignore his orders, are not on-time for meetings, you don’t report to him, nor even acknowledge his existence, let alone authority and judgement.  You go as far as disobeying his orders.  Isn’t it normal for him to dispense your services?!  You’re basically telling him you don’t need the money nor the position.

There is, above all that, a spiritual need for us to pray.  There’s a constantly nagging feeling when we don’t pray that we’re neglecting something important, duties, that we’re going to be accountable for!!  Our souls remain restless.

I heard once a very compelling deduction on “sleeping” (another one of science’s shortcomings of explaining why we need to sleep).  The human consists of two things: the physical body, and the soul/spirit.  The physical body’s needs are essentially the food, water and exercise.

The soul, on the other hand, has different types of needs that are equally crucial.  One of them is “sleep”! 

Sleep-deprivation leads to all kinds of issues, from weight gain to a weakened immune system, and even eventually death. And after decades of research and discoveries, the answer to the “Why we need to sleep?” is essentially not answered yet.  While it’s easy, for example, to explain the need for eating being the means to obtain the necessary nutrients, it’s not the same with sleep.  It’s not clear why the outcome of sleeping can’t happens while in the wake state.  Or what in essence is the difference between the wake and sleep states.

Islam explains “sleep” as being a form of death, calls it a “minor death”, during which the soul leaves the body and this realm, and floats to another.  The soul needs to make this separation every night, to evade this material existence, in order to rest, reset and recharge spiritually, coming closer to its Creator.  Afterwards, it either returns back to the body (if the person has more time to live) or doesn’t, and he’s declared medically dead.

This is one of the needs of the soul.  Another, is the need for the connection/communication with its Creator through prayer and supplication.  It greatly comforts the weary and anxious soul.

He needs our prayer?!  A being that created such an unfathomable universe with all its creatures, the ones we know and the much more we have yet to know, needs us tiny little beings to acknowledge that he’s powerful?! Really?!!

It is we that need to reach out to Him and draw ourselves closer to Him.  And He Knows that, because He created us and is merely telling us how to live our lives in the manner that brings us happiness and serenity.

Greatness comes in different forms…

It’s not “pretentious respect”… It’s not about being flamboyant, dazzling or charming the woman in your company with “the right moves, looks and words”… It’s about honest, genuine, and deep respect; genuine love, that manifests itself loud and clear not just in her presence, but more importantly in her absence

If I hadn’t seen it first-hand, I would NEVER have believed such a man, especially an Arab, existed.

This man sets the bar so high, although essentially this is EXACTLY how marriage should be.  Restoring my faith in men, eliminating a myriad of bad stories I heard and saw associated with marriage, there are wonderful men out there, in every sense of the word “Wonder”.

So here’s the story…

A few days ago I was invited to a dinner with several people, high status business men and women.  One character was especially astounding to me, actually to everyone, not for any reason other than his unbelievable love, loyalty, and respect to his wife of 35 years of marriage.  The man literally spent half of the whole evening (if not more) talking about nothing other than her, how deeply in love he was with her, how he respects her and his in-laws, how proud he is that he never EVER cheated on her with another, not even with as much as a phone call, or a single flirtatious word.  How they never eat a meal, travel, attend an event, without each other.  How even when he has to take the odd quick trip without her, he doesn’t start having breakfast till he turns on his mobile (which has a picture of her smiling as wall paper!!) and places it in-front of him then starts eating.

I wouldn’t have believed it, and would’ve thought he’s idolizing himself in order to impress, had he not have her photo as mobile cover, had countless photos of her walking, talking, eating, laughing, the guy was as obsessed as anyone could be with the one he loves.  He showed us a sample of his daily morning whatsapp messages to her (and to his two daughters, lest they’d get jealous, which were also different than the mother’s messages) containing sweet words of love and prayer that God Blesses and Protects her for him.

I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen myself how as he was approaching us from afar to the location of the restaurant to make intros, and was accompanying one of the businesswomen (stunning if I may add), had kept meters separating them while walking, actually even using the slope while she used the stairs with a rail barrier in between, simply because he never wants to put himself in a position of suspicion, any slight temptation, or even insinuate in any way to this lady or any other, EVER, that he might even consider any personal communication with any other than his wife.  He mentioned he even usually calls his wife when with a company comprising ladies and puts the video on making intros so that she and the ladies feel that her presence (even if just virtual) is respected.

It wasn’t out of fear as one may think, because there’s no way for his wife to verify any of his stories in her absence.  Nor was it for religious reasons because, as he put it, “Although it’s what our religion calls for, but to me it is more of what I consider to be the logical, ethical and acceptable approach to establishing a solid relationship, setting the standard and model for the whole household”.  (For those curious, he’s a Muslim).

It was merely and purely out of tremendous respect for his lifetime partner, and very high moral standards he’d set for himself and boasts of.

It was felt in every single word he said as he went on and on about her, her family, their way of life.  He was also describing why this has to be the way in marriage, and the way a wife is treated.  I just couldn’t believe my ears comparing his words to the pathetic patterns we see and hear of nowadays, defacing the concept and institution of marriage.  Those who glorify themselves in managing God-knows how many cheating incidents, “living their life to the fullest” without being caught.

And as if this all wasn’t enough, and to the surprise of all surprises, came the last and most profound piece of evidence that sealed my belief in the genuineness of this man’s words.

As we headed out and waited for our cars to be brought by the valet, he called her.  Yes, he did, for a quick chat.  Not the last one for the day as he explained, since there’s still that call right before going to bed.  But that wasn’t what surprised me.  What to me was absolutely incredible was the look on his face while he talked to her, his facial expressions, the glow and smile on his face as they joked and giggled, the tremendous amount of love you could see in his gleaming eyes.  It was as if he was talking to her for the first time.  Our cars came and he was still talking to her, we waited courteously till he (reluctantly) ended his call to bid us farewell.

Nothing could describe the way he looked while talking to her better than a teenager talking to his new found love.  You just can’t fake that !!!

His own words were: “If not her, the one who believed in me enough to trust her life and future with me, who else deserves my respect and honor out of all the people I deal with throughout life?!”….

 

Greatness truly comes in different forms… God Bless him, his wife, his family, and the love they share.

And just an FYI, this man is ex-military for many years, yet he comes with such humility and tender heart towards his wife and family first and foremost, then towards other people.

Amen for all men !!!

Women, don’t settle for less, but you have to be to him a wife worthy of such love.  It always takes two.

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A Beautiful Love Story

You want to hear a wonderful love story? Here’s one..

A man at the young age of 25, coming from noble lineage, a hard-worker loved by all and known for his honesty and even titled by it, marries a woman 15 years his senior twice divorced with 3 children, well known for her high standing among her people and exceptional charitable deeds throughout her life..

The most beautiful love formed, and together they lived for 25 years.

Facing his most profound experience, one that shook him to the core, he ran to find comfort, love and assurance in the arms of the woman he loves, his wife. And indeed she was there for him, strong, confident and compassionate. She believed in him from the first instance, supported him throughout all the hardships, never faltering, never doubting, always his sanctuary.

She passed away when he was at the age of 50, and it was devastating for him. He made it a point to constantly mention, never embarrassed to do so even in the most formal of gatherings, how she was the love of his life. Kept visiting and taking care of her family and friends till his final days.

Peace & Blessings of Allah Be Upon You Prophet Muhammad and Khadija Bent Khuwailed