Privilege in Calamity

I’ve searched for love for years, yearned for the feeling of being regarded as someone’s princess, lifelong dream and treasure, a survival necessity.  I seriously doubted this kind of love still existed nowadays, if it did I doubted even more it will come my way.  But I found it.. Finally.. Unbelievably… and it exceeded even my dreams and expectations…

Then it was taken away …

Such irony… When you think you have just gathered all the winning cards and gotten everything you ever wished for… At that very moment one of them gets taken away.

Don’t get me wrong… My wishes were never unrealistic or extravagant… I never cared for riches, fame or to live a dream life… I just longed for what I deem the elements of complete happiness (if there is really such a thing in this world)… Good health, wonderful children, comfortable living, a good job, amazing family and friends, fine social status and above all… Love!

I never wanted more, this was perfect, and I was extremely thankful, although I had to work hard to achieve most of the above.  Paid years of my life to have, and care for, what turned out to be amazing young men in a very challenging marriage of two conflicting personalities, but no regrets whatsoever.  So when I finally found the love I needed, I thought to myself I really cannot ask for, nor want, more.  I wished to be able to sustain what I had.  I didn’t care to become wealthy or super successful, but was elated that I finally had all my happiness essentials covered.  I wish it could’ve stayed this way.  It never does.  I enjoyed that for a year and a half then it was time to let go of one of them… Love!!

I’m still very thankful for that year and a half though… Many people go through life without experiencing it…

The tormenting part and what’s more difficult than separation is watching someone you love in pain… Life departing him slowly, daily.. Observing him transform from someone full of vigor, life, hopes and dreams to a helpless person whose biggest ambition is to be able to eat and sleep peacefully.

Despite the difficulties, I consider it a privilege that I am next to him while he’s going through this.  Taking care of him, comforting him, caressing his head and cheeks, giving him as much love as I can.

He gave me my best moments in life.  Did everything in his power, and was even creative, to make sure that the moments that mattered most to me were lived, enjoyed, captured and reserved in photos.  He went beyond the expectations or the norms in doing so.  In every minute of every day we were together, even throughout his sickness, what he worried most about was me.  I was his whole life.  He gave me life !

I’m immensely thankful for experiencing such love during my lifetime… We shall hopefully reunite again in the next eternal one

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