Do Not Cheer Me When I’m Wrong

Do Not praise me if I don’t deserve praise.

Do Not tell me I’m beautiful just to flatter me, or hoping that I “return the compliment”.

Do Not like my photos, posts, or what I write if you don’t really feel like it or you disagree.

Do Not send me happy birthday wishes if you do it out of courtesy or duty.

Do Not gift me for any reason other than sincerely wanting to.

Do Not tell me you like me or miss me if you really don’t.

Do Not compliment any of my acts if they’re wrong or unjust.

Do Not support me if I stray.

Do Not tell me I’m good when I’m being bad.

One genuine, loving, sincere word is to me worth much more than all the fake likes and compliments.  And one genuine, sincere, loving friend is worth a hundred fake ones.

I totally understand being nice to people, wanting to make them feel great and lift-up their spirits.  This is honorable and commendable.  But when it’s done for special interests, expectating reciprocation, social hypocrisy, or for fear of upsetting the praised person, it becomes ugly and distasteful.


Am I Happily Unmarried?

(Written before my second, hopefully lasting, marriage).

A few days ago I was asked if I was happy being unmarried.  The answer came out without hesitation: “It’s absolutely much better than having to live with the wrong person, yet again, worse than being with someone that you love.”

Becoming single once again gave me so many things that I’m thankful for.  It, most importantly, showed me my strengths, that I am perfectly capable of sustaining myself, succeeding, living on my own without relying on anyone, something I’ve cherished from an early age.  It introduced me again to my passions, the things I like to do but have always set aside in favor of other priorities.  I re-discovered Me.  I was forced to learn and do stuff I never knew anything about because there was always someone else handling them.

We leave our parents’ safe-haven to the guardianship of our partner without learning the essentials of life and survival.  We remain shielded from the realities of paying the bills, rental procedures, employment contracts, car maintenance, etc.  This is not to be misunderstood as being the parents’ mistake, rather our wrong, misinformed decision to get married and completely surrender our reins before knowing what life is all about and learning the rules of the “jungle”.

This period of independence and self-reliance is essential, preferably before marriage.  The self-discovery and self-improvement would even make things easier on the partner and increase the marriage’s potential for success.

Other benefits of being single we all know..

First there’s the obvious, having the bed ALL to yourself 🙂 .  Then, not having to coordinate your plans, time and vacations or compromise on anything you enjoy doing.  Traveling as you wish and exercising all the spontaneity your heart desires.  You’re not responsible for anyone, nor are you accountable to anyone.  You’re the master of your life.

Drifting in thought while counting my blessings, I stop for a couple of minutes and go back to an idea I always believed in..

“Being married to someone you deeply love and get along very well with is Heaven on Earth.”

All accomplishments, achievements, fortunes, and good times, dwindle against the fulfillment of  sharing them with someone special.  Sharing the laughter, stories, pains, planning, traveling, and rewards.  After all, what meaning and flavor is there to life if not for the happy moments.

And no amount of success, richness, makeup, and surgeries can make you look and feel as beautiful and radiant with glow and shine as when happily in love.

Surely, “The only reason for marriage is love” _Diana Spencer




Greatness comes in different forms…

It’s not “pretentious respect”… It’s not about being flamboyant, dazzling or charming the woman in your company with “the right moves, looks and words”… It’s about honest, genuine, and deep respect; genuine love, that manifests itself loud and clear not just in her presence, but more importantly in her absence

If I hadn’t seen it first-hand, I would NEVER have believed such a man, especially an Arab, existed.

This man sets the bar so high, although essentially this is EXACTLY how marriage should be.  Restoring my faith in men, eliminating a myriad of bad stories I heard and saw associated with marriage, there are wonderful men out there, in every sense of the word “Wonder”.

So here’s the story…

A few days ago I was invited to a dinner with several people, high status business men and women.  One character was especially astounding to me, actually to everyone, not for any reason other than his unbelievable love, loyalty, and respect to his wife of 35 years of marriage.  The man literally spent half of the whole evening (if not more) talking about nothing other than her, how deeply in love he was with her, how he respects her and his in-laws, how proud he is that he never EVER cheated on her with another, not even with as much as a phone call, or a single flirtatious word.  How they never eat a meal, travel, attend an event, without each other.  How even when he has to take the odd quick trip without her, he doesn’t start having breakfast till he turns on his mobile (which has a picture of her smiling as wall paper!!) and places it in-front of him then starts eating.

I wouldn’t have believed it, and would’ve thought he’s idolizing himself in order to impress, had he not have her photo as mobile cover, had countless photos of her walking, talking, eating, laughing, the guy was as obsessed as anyone could be with the one he loves.  He showed us a sample of his daily morning whatsapp messages to her (and to his two daughters, lest they’d get jealous, which were also different than the mother’s messages) containing sweet words of love and prayer that God Blesses and Protects her for him.

I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen myself how as he was approaching us from afar to the location of the restaurant to make intros, and was accompanying one of the businesswomen (stunning if I may add), had kept meters separating them while walking, actually even using the slope while she used the stairs with a rail barrier in between, simply because he never wants to put himself in a position of suspicion, any slight temptation, or even insinuate in any way to this lady or any other, EVER, that he might even consider any personal communication with any other than his wife.  He mentioned he even usually calls his wife when with a company comprising ladies and puts the video on making intros so that she and the ladies feel that her presence (even if just virtual) is respected.

It wasn’t out of fear as one may think, because there’s no way for his wife to verify any of his stories in her absence.  Nor was it for religious reasons because, as he put it, “Although it’s what our religion calls for, but to me it is more of what I consider to be the logical, ethical and acceptable approach to establishing a solid relationship, setting the standard and model for the whole household”.  (For those curious, he’s a Muslim).

It was merely and purely out of tremendous respect for his lifetime partner, and very high moral standards he’d set for himself and boasts of.

It was felt in every single word he said as he went on and on about her, her family, their way of life.  He was also describing why this has to be the way in marriage, and the way a wife is treated.  I just couldn’t believe my ears comparing his words to the pathetic patterns we see and hear of nowadays, defacing the concept and institution of marriage.  Those who glorify themselves in managing God-knows how many cheating incidents, “living their life to the fullest” without being caught.

And as if this all wasn’t enough, and to the surprise of all surprises, came the last and most profound piece of evidence that sealed my belief in the genuineness of this man’s words.

As we headed out and waited for our cars to be brought by the valet, he called her.  Yes, he did, for a quick chat.  Not the last one for the day as he explained, since there’s still that call right before going to bed.  But that wasn’t what surprised me.  What to me was absolutely incredible was the look on his face while he talked to her, his facial expressions, the glow and smile on his face as they joked and giggled, the tremendous amount of love you could see in his gleaming eyes.  It was as if he was talking to her for the first time.  Our cars came and he was still talking to her, we waited courteously till he (reluctantly) ended his call to bid us farewell.

Nothing could describe the way he looked while talking to her better than a teenager talking to his new found love.  You just can’t fake that !!!

His own words were: “If not her, the one who believed in me enough to trust her life and future with me, who else deserves my respect and honor out of all the people I deal with throughout life?!”….


Greatness truly comes in different forms… God Bless him, his wife, his family, and the love they share.

And just an FYI, this man is ex-military for many years, yet he comes with such humility and tender heart towards his wife and family first and foremost, then towards other people.

Amen for all men !!!

Women, don’t settle for less, but you have to be to him a wife worthy of such love.  It always takes two.




 !! نعم هو حقُّك… لكن تلطّف 

…حتى المطالبة بالحقوق تستوجب الأدب ورقي الأسلوب

نعم هو حقّكِ… لكن لا أبدع ولا أكبر تأثيرًا من التلطّف في المطالبة بالحقوق

قبل أن تناقش شخصًا وتسوق حجّتك لتكسر أنفه وتنتزع منه حقًّا أو اعتذارًا تستحقّه فكّر وتريّث… فقد يأتيك منه ذاك وأكثر إن انتظرت ولم تكسر كبرياءه وتشعره بالصغر والمهانة فتنقلب مشاعر الندم لديه بغضًا لك، وتستثير فيه عزة النفس والكبر فيعدل عن اعتذاره بل وقد يتمادى في الخطأ

إن الاعتذار والاعتراف بالخطأ هو من أصعب الأمور على الإتيان بالنسبة للكثيرين.. وفي أحيان كثيرة نكون نحن الملامون. نستفزّ الآخر فيتجرّأ علينا ثم نلومه ونثور ونغضب ونطالب…. باعتذار

تناول الكثيرون ثقافة وأساليب الاعتذار لكن برأيي لا يقل أهميّةً عنها طريقة استقبال الاعتذار… حتى نُنمّي الأولى، يجب أن نربّي أنفسنا على الثانية

مهّد الطريق لمن تتملّكه رغبة الاعتذار والرجوع لكن تُثنيه عزّة نفسه وخوفه من القسوة في العتب… وتجنَّب إذلال المخطئ النادم رغبةً في “تلقينه درسًا لن ينساه فلا يعاود الخطأ”… فمن لم تُثنِه مهانة الاعتذار واحترامه لذاته ولكلمته ولِمَن يقدّم اعتذارَه له، لن يؤثّر فيه شيءٌ من الإذلال

 !! ترفّق فكلنا نخطئ أحيانًا عن قصدٍ أو بغيره 

لا نقول تنازل عن حقوقك.. أو اعتمد الضعف والاستكانة.. إنما نقول أعط الآخر فرصة حفظ ماء وجهه والاحتفاظ بكبريائه أمامك.. أنت بهذا إنما تشجّعه على التقرّب منك.. وتُشعره بفضل تَفَهّمِك بسهولة الاعتذار… وبقبولك ومحبتك له.. والأهم من ذلك كله أن الفوز الأكبر سيكون من نصيبك، وذلك في زوال ما يُفسد عليك وقتك وقلبك ويستهلكك في دوامةٍ من الغضب والحزن والمشاعر السلبية وهو بنظري أعظم ما ستجنيه… هذا عدا عن اللّذة في التصافي بعد التجافي

عوّد نفسك على لجم الغضب وتبسيط الأمور بدل تهويلها قبل أن تحاول تعليم غيرك السمو فوق ذلّ الاعتذار

بادر بابتسامة تُرغم نفسك عليها إذا شعرت ببادرةٍ أو رغبةٍ من الآخر للتراجع والاعتذار وسيسرع الخطو إليك… ولا تنتظر كلمة الاعتذار ذاتها أو أن تضعه في موقف المهان الصغير ففعل التراجع أقوى وأهم

تخيّر معاركك !! فمعظمها تسبّب من المخاسر أكثر مما تحقّقه من المكاسب… ووازن بدايةً بين المنافع والتكلفة

قليلٌ من النرجسيّة ينعش القلب

قد لا أكون الأجمل… لكن عندي من الجاذبيّة الشيء الكثير

قد لا أكون عارضة الأزياء كلاوديا شيفر… لكن عندي من حسن الطلعة وجمال الإطلالة والحضور اللافت الشيء الكثير

لست الأميرة غريس كيلي… إلا أن عندي من الأناقة واللباقة والرقي الشيء الكثير

قد لا أكون عالمةً أو عبقرية… لكن عندي من الذكاء والفطنة الشيء الكثير

نعم لم أعد المراهقة الصغيرة البريئة… لكن ما زال عندي من الخجل والأدب والحياء والارتباك الشيء الكثير

نعم رأيت على مدى سنين عمري الكثير من الكذب والنفاق والتظاهر المخادع… لكن طيبة قلبي وحسن ظنّي بالناس أبيا أن يغادراني

لم أنل شهادات دكتوراة متعددة… لكن عندي من العلم والثقافة الشيء الكثير

نعم لست الأم تيريزا… لكن في قلبي من الحنان والعطف والرحمة والمحبة الشيء الكثير

قد لا أكون حاتم الطائي… لكن عندي من الكرم في مالي وحبي وأخلاقي الشيء الكثير

قد لا أكون من نسل النبي محمد صل الله عليه وسلم… لكن لدي من عراقة وأصالة النسب الشيء الكثير

قد لا أكون بحكمة أفلاطون وأرسطو… لكن لدي من العقلانية والرجاحة الشيء الكثير

قد لا أكون بطلة ألعاب الجمباز والجري وقفز الحواجز… إلا أن عندي من المرونة واللياقة الجسديّة الشيء الكثير

قد لا أمتلك موهبة سمير غانم في إلقاء النكات والإضحاك… لكن عندي من خفة الدم والحديث المحبّب الشيء الكثير

قد لا أكون بهدوء غاندي وسلميّته… إلا أن لدي من السكينة والإيمان والتعقّل الشيء الكثير

بالطبع لا أجرؤ على مقارنة نفسي بسيدنا أيوب عليه السلام… إلا أن عندي من الصبر والقدرة على التحمل الشيء الكثير

قد لا أكون حققت أعلى المناصب وحزت الجوائز والألقاب… لكن في سجلّي إنجازاتٌ أفتخر بها بقدرٍ كبير

نعم لست رابعة العدويّة… لكن في قلبي من الإيمان والحب لربي وديني والمحافظة على أركانه الأساسية الشيء الكثير

لست مارغريت ثاتشر… لكن عندي من القوة والإصرار على تحقيق الهدف الشيء الكثير

نعم أعشق العطاء وأستطيع استيعاب الكثير إن أحببت… لكن عندي من عزة النفس والكبرياء الشيء الكثير

نعم أبكي وأمر بفتراتٍ من الحزن والضعف… لكنني أعود فأتحدّى نفسي ولا تزيدني لحظات ضعفي إلا قوة

وأنا فوق كل ذلك صادقة في تعاملي وفي محبتي… أُفضِّل أن أُعطي ولا أُعطى… وأن أُظلَمَ ولا أَظلِم

أحب الحياة والمرح والضحك والبشاشة والابتسام والعفوية وكل ما يؤدي إليهم… وأمقت الكآبة والسلبية والنكد والغمّ والعبوس وكل ما يؤدي إليهم…

أحترم أكبر الناس وأصغرهم سنًّا أو مقامًا أو مكانةً اجتماعية بذات القدر

أُحاسب ذاتي قبل أن أُحاسب غيري على الغلط… ولا يمكنني تجاهل توتّرٍ يحدث بيني وبين أحد وإن أخطأ في حقّي… بل أبادر بالعتب الجميل وتصفية النفوس…

تميّزي ليس في وصولي إلى القمة في صفةٍ أو مجالٍ محدد أو في عددٍ منها… لكن في اجتماع قدرٍ جيّد من كلٍّ منها في شخصي

فإذا ما جمعت صفاتي كلّها ستجد أنك بوجودي في حياتك لديك من الحظ الشيء الكثير

وقد أبدو بمقالي هذا على قدرٍ كبيرٍ من الغرور والنرجسيّة… لكن من يعرفونني حقًّا يعلمون تمامًا أن في نفسي من التواضع الكثير الكثير

الأهم على الإطلاق والأكثر تميّزًا من كلّ ما سبق هو سعيي الدائم لتطوير ذاتي في كل واحدةٍ مما سبق… لا أعرف يومًا لم أسأل نفسي فيه، ما … الذي يجب عليّي فعله لأصبح أفضل شكلاً وشخصيّةً وعلمًا وأخلاقًا ولطفًا وحسن معاملةٍ للآخرين وخدمةً لمجتمعي… وهذا وحده هو ما يعطيني الحق والحُجّة لأكتب ما سبق

سيّدتي وسيّدي… لا عيب أبدًا في أن نفخر بذواتنا طالما وبشرط أن نكون في الوقت ذاته أكبر الناقدين لها، الساعين لتطويرها وإصلاح عيوبها

أشكركم على احتمال نرجسيّتي المؤقتة

ندى السمان

A Beautiful Love Story

You want to hear a wonderful love story? Here’s one..

A man at the young age of 25, coming from noble lineage, a hard-worker loved by all and known for his honesty and even titled by it, marries a woman 15 years his senior twice divorced with 3 children, well known for her high standing among her people and exceptional charitable deeds throughout her life..

The most beautiful love formed, and together they lived for 25 years.

Facing his most profound experience, one that shook him to the core, he ran to find comfort, love and assurance in the arms of the woman he loves, his wife. And indeed she was there for him, strong, confident and compassionate. She believed in him from the first instance, supported him throughout all the hardships, never faltering, never doubting, always his sanctuary.

She passed away when he was at the age of 50, and it was devastating for him. He made it a point to constantly mention, never embarrassed to do so even in the most formal of gatherings, how she was the love of his life. Kept visiting and taking care of her family and friends till his final days.

Peace & Blessings of Allah Be Upon You Prophet Muhammad and Khadija Bent Khuwailed

Are We Disabling Our Loved Ones?

Bound by love and empathy we could sometimes inadvertently disable the very people that we love.

How can that happen?

By lending too much help to the elderly, bringing them that cup of water, conceding to their inclination not to push themselves to move and exercise, encouraging them to stay lazy, at home sitting on the couch not doing much moving, and not being productive at all, and whether it’s out of love, sympathy, sense of respect, sense of duty, you name it, we are consequently disabling them.

Their body needs to make the extra effort, their muscles have to maintain their strength, and most importantly, their brain needs to keep thinking, analyzing, solving problems, remembering.  Otherwise, their body and mental capabilities start to gradually wither.

We must differentiate between what respect, kindness, care, love, and the Holiest most sacred duty is, and what is scientifically required to keep them in their best possible condition.  It might be annoying at first, they might resent it, but they’ll eventually love it and see the hidden wisdom.

Support your elderly to be active, do things for themselves, be independent, even be productive according to their passion or area of expertise.  It will give them a sense of purpose as opposed to being prisoners of their own weaknesses, counting the days till they depart.  It’s a slow suicide, and if you encourage it, you’re an accomplice !!

Life doesn’t end at 65 or 70, on the contrary, there’s still a lot to give now that they are freed from job restrictions.  This is the time when all the years of experience can be put as guidance to the younger generation.

I cannot accept that an older person has to just sit and lay down counting days, being unproductive to himself or to society.  People nowadays live till they reach their 90s, so are we to waste 30 years of our lives doing NOTHING?!!

First and most importantly, they need to keep exercising.  The body and muscle system are one’s best support.  No one in the world can benefit a person as much as his body can, and this amazing machine is capable of miracles. They need to eat right and keep moving.  Encouraging them to just sit on the sofa, having food and drinks be brought to them isn’t respectful, it’s a killer.  An easy way out to keep them from going around the house doing stuff.  Just like we keep a baby sedated with an iPad when we don’t want him making a mess.

Next, they need to remain productive and have a sense of purpose, accomplishment, and to feel that they are indeed needed.  They MUST do something everyday, whether it’s reading, writing, painting, helping with the grandchildren, garden or decoration.  Whatever they’re passionate about, even if it’s slightly physically demanding.  At the very least, give them puzzles to solve in those “absolutely must rest” times.

You want to show love and care and spoil them, then by all means give them a massage, go with them to Yoga classes, take them for walks, teach them how to use the iPad and research stuff, then let them do it for themselves.  Don’t give them concise ready answers, let them read, research and discover, they need to keep those brain cells working.

Some will say “But you can’t ignore the fact that their physical and mental capabilities are not the same, you cannot force them to do activities”.  Wrong!!

It is undoubtedly undeniable that the body and mind are not as able as they used to be in childhood and middle age, but then again their abilities did NOT drop to zero either, so don’t make it.  We see people who live with actual disabilities, yet they are able to outperform some of those who are perfectly capable.  Stephen Hawking is an excellent example of a person who’s completely paralyzed, yet is able to remain incredibly productive.  We’ve also seen many examples of older people who are a lot more capable physically than their younger counterparts.

Don’t disable them.  Motivate them to become stronger, more active and independent.  Ensure taking enough safety measures just like you would for a child.  

Help them help themselves !!  Love them in the right way just like you do your children !!

Islam & Love

On the occasion of the Valentine’s Day..

Islam is and will always be a religion of Love
It supports, promotes and encourages Love .. Any practices that speak to the contrary are misinterpretations by the ignorant, or attempts to deface this beautiful religion

Say it.. Honestly & Clearly

A Valentine’s Day special on relationships:

To Men.. Just say it !!

Be honorable, respectful, brave, and forthright every step of the way.. Whether it’s good or bad. Don’t lie, hide or be evasive, those are signs of weakness, or worse.. Very unbecoming of a man !!

Whether you love her or you’re Not into her.. Still not sure or she means the world to you but circumstances are difficult… Tell Her !!

Being honest and frank isn’t bad, disrespectful or hurtful, as long as it is done considerately.. Quite the reverse, it’s very noble.. Breaking up is many times easier than hanging on to an Illusion..

Don’t hijack her decision, keep her analyzing.. wondering.. waiting.. hoping.. wasting time & emotions on you.. Maybe even getting more attached.. You have no right to do so!! She might surprise you and decide to support you and stay by your side..

Don’t force her to waive her pride and shyness and embarrass herself by having to ask you for answers either..

It’s amazing how these days women are becoming much braver, more outspoken and confident than men (Not all of course) !!


Relationships to Run Away From ..

Dear lady friend,

Three kinds of relationships, if you find yourself in, run away as fast as you can… 🏃 🏃 🏃 🏃

  • A relationship that has to be kept a secret
  • A relationship that belittles you or makes you unhappy
  • A relationship that keeps you confused and wondering